Rule #3 ask three times to get to a yes


That is not to say that you could not get a yes on the first try, but let’s go over a little about the psychology responding to change that your request, proposal or demand is creating.

1st is a defensive no    

The natural reaction to a change is deny it. Therefore, the human nature response of those who are not as self-aware of their emotional intelligence is to shake there head and just explain why no is the right answer.





2nd is a no not right now

– The second no is not related to emotional intelligence, but rather real emotion of fear. Most businesses have many initiatives, projects, activities and thus changes going on at once. You are requesting not just a NEW change, but an additional change. How could we possibly do this additional ‘thing’ with all the other ‘things’ we are doing.




3rd no is the one that really means it, that is the one you really need to have your ducks in a row    

  • So, now whomever is the approving stakeholder (your boss, a CFO, a CEO, a C- or VP of something or other) is realizing that you are annoying and not going to give up on this request. So, now they give it some serious thought. Look at your data, compare it to other priorities, see how it aligns to the strategy and looks for conflicts with budget, resources and other activities.





Do you get a yes, well it of course depends on your presentation, their analysis, the politics, the weather, and whether that damn butterfly is flapping is darn wings somewhere. However, it is the first real chance to get that hard yes.

Beware the first time you ask getting a yes, because they will expect you to be ready to go.

Some other thoughts on yes –

Dean Rieck

How Negotiators get to yes: 
Psychology Today: Here to Help






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